


Tender Meat

by WinglessCrows



Series: Through the Eyes of a Cook [9]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Friendship, Light Angst, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 07:37:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9168730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinglessCrows/pseuds/WinglessCrows
Summary: ...and Sanji knew that he would go through his past a thousand times over if it meant that he would end up right here in this moment, surrounded by his new family, who loved him and he loved in return.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Based on request by Pirats Gold made on ff
> 
> Also slight changes from the original story for anyone who read the one posted on ff

Sanji was panting hard at this point. His opponent was strong... really fucking strong. He created some distance between him and the guy he was fighting, trying to gain some sort of perspective and perhaps think of something that could turn the fight in his favour. It wasn't that Sanji was losing... he just wasn't winning either. Sanji looked around the area to see how everyone else was doing. It was safe to say that this battle was intense and chaotic, so let's break it down.

Luffy, Zoro and Sanji were the only people in one-on-one fights. Luffy was fighting the captain of pirate crew they had encountered and somehow gotten in a fight with. The reason was irrelevant at this point since losing meant dying, so they had no choice but to win. Now, the fact that Luffy was also struggling in his fight might say something about the power levels of this particular crew. Luffy's opponent had some sort of ability, but because Sanji had only seen moments of Luffy's fight he couldn't determine what kind of fruit he had eaten. Most likely some sort of short range paramecia, judging from Luffy's injuries and the scale of their battle.

Zoro's opponent was somehow another swordsman, who happened to be the vice-captain of the crew. Funny how that was always the case. Was it a rule that all vice-captains had to be swordsmen? Anyway they were also in quite a heated battle, but Sanji had faith in both Luffy and Zoro. They would definitely win.

Everyone else were fighting multiple opponents at once. The battle took place in a clearing in the middle of a forest, which was weirdly convenient. Usopp was nowhere to be seen. He was hidden away amongst the many trees surrounding them, shooting down anyone who tried to catch someone off guard. Sanji had already been saved by him twice and he was sure that Usopp had saved everyone else just as many times. It really made it easier to fight knowing that someone had your back. Brook and Chopper had teamed up and were fighting a group of ten or fifteen people. It seemed like they had the upper hand, but their stamina wasn't endless and both their fighting styles required a lot of movement. Lastly, Franky, Robin and Nami were taking on literally everyone else, which was about fifty or more people. Of course, these people weren't exactly excellent fighters, but they had some tricks and basic fighting knowledge. The three of them made a good combo though. Nami and Robin were both mid- to long-ranged fighters, while Franky was mostly a closed ranged one. This meant that the girls took care of everyone from a distance, while anyone who got to close for comfort were brutally taken out by Franky. All in all, it seemed like the strawhats should be able to come out of this fight as the victors.

Sanji turned his attention back to his opponent. He too seemed exhausted, but Sanji was almost one hundred percent certain that the guy had yet to show all of his skills and abilities. Sanji himself was hiding a few things, but he would really want to avoid using too many special abilities. Yes, if he could think his way out of this one, it would certainly be for the better.

Now to analyse his opponent. He was very strong physically, perhaps even stronger than Zoro in that aspect. Sanji had fought a big variety of opponents, but he rarely found himself face to face with someone whose main asset was pure strength. Sanji mostly dealt with people who had some sort of weird ability. So experience wasn't going to help him much here. His opponent also had a weapon; a big war hammer. So far Sanji had been able to dodge it pretty efficiently, but he had seen the impact this thing had and one hit from that would be sure to do more damage than just crack a few bones. Also, does anyone remember the saying about big and strong people? The one about them being strong, but slow? Yeah... Did that ever apply to reality? The answer was: no.

So his opponent was strong, had a weapon that made it hard to get near him, since taking one hit would do plenty damage, and to top it all off, he was fast as well. So what could Sanji do? He could outsmart him. They were fighting on uneven ground, and unlike Sanji who was both light on his feet and had the sweet ability of walking on air, his opponent was stuck on the ground. There was also a pretty big forest surrounding them and a forest meant loads of trees. Trees could burn, and Sanji really had been smart enough to not use any fire related attacks yet. One should always keep their cards close to their chest and only use them when it lead to victory. Of course, trees didn't just burst into flames unless they were helped along, but that was what the uneven ground was for.

Here was the plan. First, Sanji would engage in attacks that was sure to make his opponent run around. This would lower his stamina, since he was big and carrying around a pretty heavy hammer. The uneven ground would also be a big factor in this, as that meant his opponent would use critical stamina by balancing all the weight his was carrying. Sanji would lose stamina too, but not as much, since he would mostly just be avoiding the hammer. Next he would find an opening to land a blow that would sent the bastard flying into the forest, where he would remain long enough for Sanji to make it to Usopp, borrow some gasoline, which Usopp always kept with him in case he needed to blow stuff up. Sanji would then return to his fight where he would slowly scatter the gasoline around and lastly he would start a big fire that would take out his opponent. A pretty good plan, but Sanji was open for complications, since the last thing he wanted to do was tie himself to a plan that might fall apart, and then panic if it did.

So Sanji resumed the fight and he made sure to make his opponent work hard as he reserved his own energy for later. So far the plan seemed to work and Sanji was slightly surprised that his opponent didn't see through him right away. Tiring out your enemy was a very common strategy, but maybe he was just an idiot, who put far too much faith in his own power to ever think outside the box. Sanji soon saw his opening, when his opponent lost his footing due to the ground being slightly tilted, and coated his left leg in armourment haki, kicked his opponent with all the physical power he could muster and sent him flying. Sanji immediately set off to find Usopp and it did not take him long to pinpoint his location with observation haki. Usopp had barely heard Sanji's request when he handed him the gasoline, and with a quick 'thank you' Sanji was off again.

Sanji decided to change the plan slightly and set up his trap before his opponent found him again and started preparing. It wasn't long before Sanji heard the angry yell of his opponent and he assumed that his location had been discovered, but the trap was set, so all was still well and going according to plan. Sanji calmly dodged a swing of the hammer and observed as the hammer collided with the tree but somehow not destroying it... maybe his opponent was more worn out than Sanji had expected? Either way, Sanji jumped upwards and when his jump reached its maximum hight he kicked the air and continued to ascend until he was out of the fire zone. Sanji gave his opponent no time to counter or flee as he used _Hell Memories_ to set the small part of the forest ablaze.

Sanji landed back on the crisp forest surface after the fire had died down and he found his opponent lying on the ground, clearly defeated. Sanji smirked, he was tired, but he had won, right?

"I'll make you regret this," his opponent panted as he reached for his hammer, but Sanji knew that even if he was conscious and still strong enough to lift the thing, he did not have the strength to make a swing that would do any sort of damage. In the end he just reached for the hammer, but after having held it for a few moments he retracted his hand, possibly coming to the same conclusion as Sanji had: He had lost.

"And how will you make me regret it? You can no longer use your weapon nor even stand. Admit defeat."

"Admit defeat? Never! And who said that I could no longer use my weapon?" Sanji's smirk faded and he looked at his opponent. There was nothing he could do, what was he on about?

"A good fighter always keeps a second blade," Sanji heard the man whisper and he realized only a second too late what was happening and he hated himself for not putting the signs together. An impact that should have destroyed the tree, reaching for the hammer only to not use it and a second blade...

"Impact!"

Sanji felt an intense pain centered in his left leg and passed out.

"... Sanji... Sanji... Sanji!" Usopp's voice woke Sanji from his unconscious state and the first thing he noticed was pain. Unbelievable, intense, burning pain.

"What happened?!" Usopp asked worriedly as he helped Sanji stand.

"He hit me with an impact dial." Sanji said through gritted teeth. He could not support on his left leg, but Usopp helped him and they made their way to the clearing.

Sanji had half expected that he had been unconscious long enough for the battle to have ended, but apparently he hadn't been out too long. Sanji and Usopp made it just to see Robin take out the last of her opponents, but Zoro and Luffy were still fighting. Zoro's battle seemed to be wrapping up pretty soon. His opponent could barely stand and a final move should do the trick. Zoro himself didn't look too well though. He had been wearing a white shirt when the battle had started and the front of that shirt was no longer what you could call white. It was mostly small cuts here and there, but Sanji noticed a deep cut in his right shoulder. Zoro was the master of ignoring pain and injury, but Sanji could see that even he was suffering. It didn't make a difference though. Zoro's next attack finished the job and as soon as his opponent fell, he took off his bandana, which signalled victory. Now only Luffy's fight was still to be decided.

Sanji had thought that Luffy stood pretty well against the enemy Captain, but what on earth were those weird burn marks on Luffy's skin? They were all over him and they seemed to be causing Luffy a lot of discomfort. He kept trying to cover them up with his hands, like one would with a burn, but they didn't look like burns. The spots were purple and seemed to be increasing in size as time passed. The smallest spot was about the size of a finger nail, while the biggest was bigger than Luffy's hand and it so happened to be placed on the side of his neck and it looked like Luffy was highly distracted by it. But apparently Luffy had, like Sanji, also been thinking ahead, because the ground beneath the enemy Captain suddenly sunk and Luffy leaped up and knocked the captain even further into the ground, so even if he didn't get knocked out from the attack, which he did, he would be stuck in the ground.

As soon as victory had been insured, Chopper got to work. Once again the Monster Trio had been the ones to take the most damage and Chopper made sure to scold them properly for it. Luckily they quickly figured out that the purple spots on Luffy could be treated by applying cold salt water and apart from those spots he was hardly injured at all. It didn't take long for Chopper to disinfect and sew up Zoro's shoulder, and after he had let Robin take care of the bandaging, he went to Sanji. Now that Sanji's adrenaline levels were dying the down, the pain was really making itself noticed, even more than before. Sanji had completely given up on trying to stand and the pain was so intense that he thought he could pass out at any moment. Chopper had a little moment of freaking out as he found that the injury was much more severe than it had looked at first glance, but Sanji could not make his brain focus on anything but the pain. Chopper was very quick to sense this and made Sanji take some sort of pill. He was out cold soon after.

When Sanji woke up the first thing he saw was green hair... Ugh. He was in the Sick Bay and Zoro was in the bed opposite him with Chopper tending to his wound. From the looks of it, Chopper was redoing the stitches.

"Oi, Chopper, swirly brows is awake."

Chopper turned around to look at Sanji and Sanji gave him a little nod to show that he wasn't in any pain... at the moment.

"Zoro, I'll check on Sanji before applying the bandages, so don't leave until I allow it," Chopper was very stern when it came to Zoro, because he had this stupid habit of moving around when he wasn't fucking supposed to. Chopper went over to Sanji and had helped him sit. Sanji did not like how helpless he was feeling at the moment, especially since the stupid swordsman was there to witness it.

"I gave you some pain killers for the time being, but I can't keep applying them, so when the most painful part is over, you'll have to endure it. Is that okay?"

"Of course, I've probably been through worse anyway," Sanji replied and smiled reassuringly, which was very easy to do as long as he wasn't in any pain, "how long has it been?"

"Only a couple hours. Nami and Usopp are preparing dinner as we speak. We also left the island about two hours ago, because enemy encounters are rarer on sea, and along with you and Zoro, Luffy also needs rest, so we didn't want to risk another fight erupting.

"And!" Chopper continued, "I know you want to go back to the kitchen as soon as possible, but right now you can't use your leg. I have nothing against you leaving the Sick Bay, but you're not allowed to cook. Got it?"

"But-"

"No buts! I'm the doctor and as long as you are my patient, you will do as I say. Now drink this slowly, and get some rest." Chopper went back to Zoro, who looked like he just wanted to sleep and bandaged him up with a message of _don't do anything stupid!_ Sanji went back to bed and prayed that his leg would heal quickly.

That night he had a nightmare. A horrible one.

The images and sounds were disconnected and chaotic. Sanji's brain could barely keep up with what was happening. There was an image of a thin, weak Zeff missing a leg, and a woman's voice yelling: _"I'll never allow you into the kitchen again!"_. There was an image of a girl wearing black pants and a pink shirt beating a little boy, while three younger boys were laughing maniacally behind her, and Luffy desperately screaming: _"Sanji! Don't!"_ just before he vanished in front of him, because he wasn't strong enough to protect himself nor his friends. There was an image of Robin standing on the Tower of Justice screaming for help and the voice of a stranger shouting: _"Die, you little piece of Vinsmoke shit!"._ There was an image of his father standing tall and intimidating and the voice of a kind cook laughing: _"All Blue? That's just a myth!"_. There was an image of Zoro sacrificing himself on Thriller Bark and a whisper saying: _"Don't forget, you life is more important than anyone else's."_. There were flashes of images of all the people he cared about and a booming voice roaring: _"You were born to serve the family! You were born to kill!"_.

Sanji woke up breathing hard and soaked in cold sweat, but he couldn't help it. He felt like he had just visited hell. Sanji had, for the first time in a long time, dreamt of his family... his blood family, and combined with his physical pain, it was just too much for him to handle. He was, of course, still in the Sick Bay, but somehow his brain wasn't quite keeping up and everything seemed to resemble that small room, where he had spent most of his days. His leg had been neatly bandaged but when Sanji looked at it, all he saw was weakness.

He couldn't see the bruises that were sure to be tainting his skin under those white pieces of cloth, but he had had enough bruises in his life to know exactly what they looked like. Big and plentiful, dark purple, almost black, in the middle and sickly yellow by the edges. But in Sanji's mind it was not an impact dial that had caused these ugly marks. No, it was a fall. A fall which his brothers had endured and laughed off, and a fall which Sanji had feared as the only one. Sanji had always known that he was different from his siblings, but it was in the moments that he was falling from the balcony to the concrete surface beneath him that he knew what the difference was. They had wings and he did not. They were like birds learning to fly, and while they spread their wings and made their father proud, while he did nothing but fall. Sanji closed his eyes and relived the pain of the impact.

It suddenly got hard to breathe.

He still felt the pain in his leg, but he was sure that he was under some sort of drug that dulled most of it. However, at the same time, the drug made everything cloudy and distant. It was like reality was far away and his past right there next to him, haunting him even when he was awake. Sanji bended his right leg to rest his arms upon and he burrowed his face in them. His breathing was still heavy and pained, but he just couldn't seem to get enough air into his lungs. His dream of his family was still clear in his head and the faces of the people whom he had tried so hard to forget were now clear images. He felt tears stinging in the corners of his eyes and he decided to just let them fall. Why could he still not control his breathing?! Sanji was getting more and more frustrated and at this point there were so many emotions within him that he felt like his head and chest might explode. It was too much and he just wanted it to end, but it never did.

He was shaking now. Uncontrollably. 

"Just breathe," he thought he heard someone say beside him, but he couldn't connect the voice to a face and his head was to heavy for him to lift, so he couldn't look either.

Chills raced over his skin and down his spine. He was uncomfortably hot.

"Breathe, Sanji, breathe slowly," he heard the voice say again, but did they not understand that he was trying and it just wasn't working!

The room turned oddly silent, but the voices in his head were screaming. He couldn't even hear his own voice.

"Sanji just concentrate on breathing, forget everything else," the voice tried once again, but it disappeared in the loud void of his mind.

But he tried nonetheless, he tried, he tried and he tried so hard to concentrate on exhaling and inhaling, but when it didn't work immediately Sanji just grew frustrated and he began feeling like he was suffocating, drowning. 

Sanji wished that his mind would drown along with him...

 

Eventually his body seemed to calm itself and the only thing that remained were the tears that had yet to dry. Sanji kept his head down and hid away from the world.

"Sorry," he whispered to no one in particular and not really knowing what he was apologizing for, he just felt like he needed to do it.

"Don't apologize," Chopper said and Sanji was sure that he had been the person who had urged him to breathe, "but if you can and want to, please tell me what just happened."

"I don't know..." Sanji whispered again. Lying. Like he always did when he suffered.

"Have you experienced anything like this before?"

Sanji wanted to continue the lie, but... "Yes." For some reason he couldn't do it. Not anymore. They'd been through too much for him to keep this up.

"When? Recently?" Chopper sounded concerned, breaking his professional doctor attitude he always tried to maintain in dire situations.

"No... A long time ago." Sanji had never had any incidents while travelling with the strawhats, but he had experienced them back on the Baratie. They hadn't been frequent and on bad days he would get out of kitchen duties by feigning illness. He had a few incidents on Momoiro as well. On days where the loneliness was as its worse and he couldn't seem to make any progress. Iva-chan had never asked why he sometimes disappeared and Sanji had been thankful.

"Have you ever experienced them occurring on a regular basis?"

"No."

"Then... Do you know what trigger them?"

There was a long pause, before Sanji answered: "Yes."

"Can you tell me now?"

"... No." 

"Then later?"

"Maybe."

"Alright, then for now I think you should rest. I'll stay with you for as long as you want, but for now, take this," He gave Sanji a pill.

"Is it dreamless?" Sanji asked, knowing exactly what it was.

"Yes, why?"

"Nothing..." Sanji said and took the pill obediently. He went back to sleep.

 

Sleep is good way to reset everything. Sanji felt a thousand times better than he had the previous day. His leg was still in pain, but he could breathe, his chest wasn't on fire and his head was clear. This meant that Sanji was quick to notice that he was not alone and that the person beside him wasn't Chopper, but Luffy. Chopper hadn't broken his promise though, he was sitting by his desk writing what he presumed was a report on Sanji's situation.

"Hello Captain," Sanji said softly and he immediately felt a little sad, because Luffy was looking at him with his big brown eyes and he was not hiding his concern even in the slightest.

"Chopper told me... about what happened... he said that it was important that you talk about it, but that you don't force yourself to do so." It was always bad when Luffy was calm and making sense. But Sanji appreciated the concern.

"And I suppose that you will be there to listen," Sanji smiled and Luffy hugged him. He hugged him tightly and kindly and conveyed all of his feelings through that one hug.

"Don't be sad Sanji. I'm here for you." And Sanji hugged him back and wet Luffy's shoulder with his tears.

"I know, Luffy. I know."

Three days after the battle Sanji had gathered the crew. Since there was no better time than the present, Sanji thought that rather than postponing talking about his past, he might as well get it over with and told the crew as much as he felt comfortable sharing at this point. He told them about his family and the crew were surprised to learn that Sanji was, technically, a prince. He told them about how he had been treated by them, how that still affected him and haunted his dreams. He even told them about his near death-by-starvation situation and how he came to think of food as he did. Sanji left out very little of his story, but the more gruesome parts would be for later. 

When he had finished his story, most of the crew were crying and Sanji just smiled and said that they shouldn't worry about it, since all of that was in the past and they were his present. Of course this just made them cry even harder and Sanji knew that he would go through his past a thousand times over if it meant that he would end up right here in this moment, surrounded by his new family, who loved him and he loved in return.


End file.
